Gerry Canavan

the smartest kid on earth

Leavin’ on a Jet Plane Links

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Three brief links before I leave for RDU:

1. John Holbo’s review of Soon I Will Be Invisible at the Valve caught my eye; I’ll have to pick this book up sometime.

Doctor Impossible is the Sub-Sub made good – bad. Give it up? Never! The world will never love you! Then I will hypnotize the President! He isolates his ultimate etym – Zeta – storms heaven (several times); dates a girl made of unsplinterable glass (she breaks up with him); not to mention becoming nigh invulnerable himself. He still feels poor-devilish. When the device is finally ready:

Slowly, almost imperceptibly bringing the whole ponderous business, the whole cosmic clockwork, to heel. For a second, I stand at the fulcrum point of creation.

I’m so unhappy.

2. The Land’s End Catalog: the pornography of regret.

The Lands’ End fall catalog is porn for the heartsick man. Who thought sixty pages of stylish-yet-practical clothing would employ models who are disturbing approximations of the lovely thirty-something woman who doesn’t want to put up with your shit anymore?

But there she is: kicking leaves on a crisp day, sipping coffee in an immaculate breakfast nook, nestling a golden baby and smiling like the most perfect family photo on a young executive’s desk.

These are images more invasive than any Victoria’s Secret spread, because they don’t inspire lust. This is a pornography of regret, and the longer you stare, the more seductive it becomes. These sixty pages are a self-pity trap; any sane lonely man would do well to avoid them.

3. And, at McSweeney’s: Other Moments in a Soccer Player’s Life.

The pizza man rings the doorbell at Sergio’s mansion. The door swings open and Sergio, seeing that the pizza has arrived, screams victoriously. He runs at the pizza man, who smartly drops the pizza box.

Sergio jumps into the pizza man’s arms! They fall to the ground! Sergio wrestles the pizza man into a hug and they roll across the grass together! There has never been a pizza delivery like this!

Sergio and the pizza man rise, arms around each other’s shoulders, slightly winded. They wave at the neighbors who are watching from their mansion windows. They take off their shirts and trade them.

Written by gerrycanavan

December 14, 2007 at 9:06 pm

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