Gerry Canavan

the smartest kid on earth

leave a comment »

At McSweeney’s, David Lynch’s Tips for a Great Prom.

Being Named Prom King and Queen

If you are named prom king and queen, which you almost certainly will be, because it’s your destiny, walk confidently to the podium. Lose yourself in the klieg lights. Don’t allow your date to clean up her face after her tears of joy cause her mascara to run. In fact, use a dropper to make sure it streaks all the way down her cheeks. This is now the time to embrace her. Hold back not at all. Tear at her dress. Pet heavily. From the corner of your eye, note Mr. Rohrbauch attacking several students, many of whom are now wearing featureless plaster masks. Continue necking furiously with your date despite the principal’s attempts to stop you. Also, don’t be alarmed when your date, for a second there, turns into another woman you’ve never seen before. This is normal.

Written by gerrycanavan

August 7, 2007 at 2:49 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged with ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: